Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
