FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
