I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
