My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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