I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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