he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
