Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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