Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
