hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
as a side note pls kill me
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
