Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
