You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
youre lurking in front of me
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
