If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
