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if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize