that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
handjob tips. give me some.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
