the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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