We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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