hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
