If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
