I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize