everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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