i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
