This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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