Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
