I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
