well most of my day revolves around power hour
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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