Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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