he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
