Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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