He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
