how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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