Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
