And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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