There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
