Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
