just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
