The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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