On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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