I need help removing her.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
