Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
