well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
