god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
