I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
It's official drugs can't kill me
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize