i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
