You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
