How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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