She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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