remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
