everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
