I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
