I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
