Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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