I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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