people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
