Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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