Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Randomize
