Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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