did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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