he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
