DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
