I think scott just propositioned me for sex
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
