I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
