East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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