Sry I called you an 8
Don't make out with my wife yet
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
