Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
