Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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