everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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