Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
