I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
