i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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